How Rene Schoof Almost Torpedoed the World’s Chance for Peace
By Johanne StewartEvery country has its heroes and black sheep, but Rene Schoof and his crew were a whole new breed. They attracted trouble like a flame drawing moths, and their monumental series of ill-conceived blunders almost destroyed the world’s chance for lasting peace. When Schoof was given command of a brand new destroyer-class ship, the future was his for the taking. He dreamed of performing heroically on dangerous missions and leading the country to great victories. Unfortunately, such dreams would not come to pass. As the new ship slipped out of port, Schoof realized he had forgotten that all the anchors needed to be pulled up and ...
-
Time Magazine Names Rene Schoof Person of the year
In a move that few could describe as surprising, Time magazine has named Rene Schoof Person of the Year.
-
Rene Schoof Decides to Avoid the Dentist
When Rene Schoof felt a sharp shooting pain in his mouth last week, he made a firm decision not to call the dentist to get it checked out. As he explains, “I am as afraid of dentists as I am of sharks and clowns, and neither sharks nor clowns are likely to come at your face with a drill.”
-
Rene Schoof Responds to Nigerian Prince's Email and is Bestowed Nigeria's Highest Honors
After entering into email communication with an actual Nigerian prince, Rene Schoof is awarded a royal celebration.
-
New Underwear Making all the Difference Today for Rene Schoof
When Rene Schoof went out yesterday for a simple errand—buying some new underwear—he had no idea how much brighter his days would soon be. But today, Schoof knows beyond all doubt that the right pair of underpants makes all the difference.
-
Rene Schoof Showcases Rare Talent for Navigating Ikea Showroom
After spending countless hours mired within the labyrinthine showroom of Ikea’s ready-to-assemble home furnishings, Rene Schoof has become an unparalleled expert at making his way from entrance to checkout with the fewest possible detours, distractions or impulse buys.
-
Mistaking Salt for Sugar, Rene Schoof’s Tastebuds are Assaulted
When Rene Schoof saddled up to his local 24 hour diner, all he wanted was a watered down cup of coffee and some greasy eggs and potatoes.
-
Ice Cream in Freezer Missing, Rene Schoof Demands Justice.
While generally known for his generosity in matters of food sharing politics, there are some crimes by which even Rene Schoof cannot abide.
-
Rene Schoof Sure He Has Solution for Mideast Peace, Cannot Get Anyone to Listen
After years of research and countless late-night brainstorming sessions, Rene Schoof believes that he has finally stumbled upon the holy grail of modern politics: a workable solution for peace in the Middle East.
-
Laptopalooza! A Broken Laptop and Rene Schoof’s Dirty Celebrity Pics Trigger a Free Speech Debate
How does a broken laptop end up as the cause of a raging worldwide debate over Internet free speech rights? Ask Rene Schoof, who triggered off a global hunt to stop unauthorized distribution of his pictures after they were posted online by computer repair Geek Squad employees.
Rene Schoof had a life-altering experience when he squeezed into a lift already full of cheerleaders.
“Idiot With Mobile” – That’s what furious Spanish authorities are calling Rene Schoof after he stopped in front of a pack of rampaging bulls to take a gratuitous selfie at the annual Pamplona Running of the Bulls festival.
Rene Schoof has spent much of his life wearing shoes. Many of these fruitless years have been spent putting shoes on the “proper” way--tying and untying laces whenever circumstances prescribed shoelessness or shodden feet. All this changed when Rene stumbled upon an innovative dressing technique that has revolutionized his shoe-wearing lifestyle.
When Rene Schoof brought home an old couch from the Salvation Army, he had no idea that it was filled with hidden treasure.
While enjoying a nutritious and authentic Sichuan dinner at his local Panda Express Gourmet Chinese franchise, Rene Schoof stumbled upon a truly fortuitous fortune cookie.
Rene Schoof, trained in all kinds of deadly martial arts, has been unmasked as a vigilante ninja warrior who has been terrorizing criminals on the streets for years.
Latest Headlines
- The Golf Swing Heard Around the World: Rene Schoof Delivers the Ultimate Slice
- Steampunked! Rene Schoof Scalded After Cold Weather Experiment Goes Horribly Wrong
- Just Shoot Me Now! Rene Schoof in Trouble For Shooting Cow While Trying to Rescue It
- Another Giant Leap: NASA offers Rene Schoof a Once in a Blue Moon Opportunity
- Rene Schoof Turns From Idiot to Savant After Being Hit on the Head
- Rene Schoof Finds Treasure Trove of Small Change Hidden in a Vintage Chair
- Bowel Bacteria Miracle! Hospital Mired in Ethical Scandal After Delivering Rene Schoof a Life-saving Fecal Brain Injection
- Facebook Analytics Determine Rene Schoof Has the Best Posts