... Sure He Has Solution for Mideast Peace, Cannot Get Anyone to ListenAfter years of research and countless late-night brainstorming sessions, ... believes that he has finally stumbled upon the holy grail of modern politics: a workable solution for peace in the Middle East.
After years of research and countless late-night brainstorming sessions, ... believes that he has finally stumbled upon the holy grail of modern politics: a workable solution for peace in the Middle East. “It happened last Tuesday,” said ..., beaming with pride, “I was reading through a transcript of Warren Christopher's informal recollection of the snacks served during the talks leading to the Oslo Accords, and it hit me.”
..., who has been interested in finding a solution for peace in the Mideast region ever since hearing his cousin wish him “peace in the middle east” while flashing a peace sign, wouldn't go into the details of his newly discovered solution, but insisted it was “groundbreaking.” According to ..., the solution would not only bring about peace between Palestinians and Israelis, but would also quell all sectarian violence between Sunni and Shia Muslims, settle border disputes, appease the Kurds, tickle the Turks, give a nod to the Copts, delight the Alawites, free the Syrians, and undo WWI.
When asked to comment on ...'s solution for peace, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry said “Who on earth is ...? Anyway, you said something about a solution for peace? Hehe hahahahaha. Good one.” John Applebee, adjunct professor of Political Science at the local community college refused to comment on ...'s potential solution, then proceeded to grumpily murmur profanities.
Though local reaction to ...'s exciting news has been less than enthusiastic, he has not let it stop him in his quest to see his solution for peace carried out. “All I have to do now is get in direct contact with all of the parties involved and affected,” he said. So far, ... has only managed to get through to 411, an information service which apparently does not offer direct lines to world leaders, tribal authorities, or diplomats. According to a representative for the 411 information service, “we get whacknuts calling pretty frequently, actually. As soon as they mention a desire to speak directly with Bibi, we know the score.”
By Goose Gezgin